Twelfth Night


Text
Act I
Act II
Act III
Act IV
Act V
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian


SIR TOBY

Come thy ways, Signor Fabian.


FABIAN

Nay, I'll come. If I lose a scruple of this sport,
scruple (n.) 1 tiny amount, last ounce

let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
sport (n.) 1 recreation, amusement, entertainment See Topics: Frequency count


SIR TOBY

Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly,
niggardly (adj.) mean-minded, tight-fisted, miserly

rascally sheep-biter come by some notable
sheep-biter (n.) thievish fellow, shifty individual

shame?


FABIAN

I would exult, man. You know he brought me

out o' favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.


SIR TOBY

To anger him, we'll have the bear again, and

we will fool him black and blue – shall we not, Sir

Andrew?


SIR ANDREW

An we do not, it is pity of our lives.

Enter Maria
villain (n.) 2 scoundrel, rogue, rascal


SIR TOBY

Here comes the little villain. How now, my

metal of India?
metal of India pure gold


MARIA

Get ye all three into the box-tree. Malvolio's
box-tree type of ornamental thick shrub

coming down this walk, he has been yonder i'the sun

practising behaviour to his own shadow this half-hour.

Observe him, for the love of mockery, for I know this

letter will make a contemplative idiot of him. Close, in
close (adv.) 6 safely, secretly, out of sight
contemplative (adj.) vacant, vacuous, mindlessly gazing

the name of jesting!

The men hide. Maria throws down a letter

Lie thou there – for here comes the trout that must be

caught with tickling.
tickling (n.) flattery, gratifying, pleasing

Exit

Enter Malvolio


MALVOLIO

'Tis but fortune, all is fortune. Maria once

told me she did affect me; and I have heard herself
affect (v.) 1 incline to, like, favour, be drawn to

come thus near, that should she fancy, it should be one
fancy (v.) like, love, admire

of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a more
complexion (n.) 1 appearance, look, colouring
use (v.) 2 treat, deal with, manage

exalted respect than anyone else that follows her. What

should I think on't?


SIR TOBY

Here's an overweening rogue!
overweening (adj.) arrogant, overambitious, high and mighty


FABIAN

O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock

of him; how he jets under his advanced plumes!
advanced (adj.) raised up, held high, uplifted
jet (v.) strut, swagger, parade


SIR ANDREW

'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!


SIR TOBY

Peace, I say!


MALVOLIO

To be Count Malvolio . . .


SIR TOBY

Ah, rogue!


SIR ANDREW

Pistol him, pistol him!
pistol (v.) shoot with a pistol


SIR TOBY

Peace, peace!


MALVOLIO

There is example for't. The lady of the
example (n.) precedent, parallel case

Strachy married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
yeoman (n.) 2 keeper of the wardrobe


SIR ANDREW

Fie on him! Jezebel!


FABIAN

O, peace! Now he's deeply in. Look how
deeply (adv.) 1 profoundly, thoroughly, sincerely

imagination blows him.
blow (v.) 4 puff up, swell, inflate


MALVOLIO

Having been three months married to her,

sitting in my state . . .
state (n.) 8 throne, chair of state


SIR TOBY

O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye!
stone-bow (n.) type of cross-bow which shoots stones, catapult


MALVOLIO

Calling my officers about me, in my branched
branched embroidered, brocaded

velvet gown, having come from a day-bed, where I have
day-bed (n.) couch, sofa, divan

left Olivia sleeping . . .


SIR TOBY

Fire and brimstone!


FABIAN

O, peace, peace!


MALVOLIO

And then to have the humour of state; and
humour (n.) 3 style, method, way, fashion
state (n.) 2 status, rank, position

after a demure travel of regard – telling them I know my
demure (adj.) grave, serious, sober, solemn
regard (n.) 4 look, glance, gaze
travail, travel (n.) 3 movement, motion, passage

place, as I would they should do theirs – to ask for my

kinsman Toby.


SIR TOBY

Bolts and shackles!


FABIAN

O, peace, peace, peace! Now, now!


MALVOLIO

Seven of my people, with an obedient start,
start (n.) 1 starting up, immediate reaction, sudden movement

make out for him. I frown the while, and perchance
make out (v.) go, go out
perchance (adv.) 1 perhaps, maybe See Topics: Frequency count

wind up my watch, or play with my (fingering his

steward's chain of office) – some rich jewel. Toby

approaches, curtsies there to me . . .
curtsy, curtsey (v.) bow low, do reverence, pay respect


SIR TOBY

Shall this fellow live?


FABIAN

Though our silence be drawn from us with cars,
car (n.) carriage, cart, chariot [often of the sun god]

yet peace!


MALVOLIO

I extend my hand to him thus – quenching

my familiar smile with an austere regard of control . . .
regard (n.) 4 look, glance, gaze


SIR TOBY

And does not Toby take you a blow o'the lips

then?


MALVOLIO

Saying, Cousin Toby, my fortunes having

cast me on your niece give me this prerogative of

speech . . .


SIR TOBY

What, what!


MALVOLIO

You must amend your drunkenness.


SIR TOBY

Out, scab!
scab (n.) scurvy fellow, scoundrel, villain


FABIAN

Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.
sinew (n.) 4 mainstay, support, main strength


MALVOLIO

Besides, you waste the treasure of your time

with a foolish knight . . .


SIR ANDREW

That's me, I warrant you.
warrant (v.) 1 assure, promise, guarantee, confirm See Topics: Frequency count


MALVOLIO

One Sir Andrew.


SIR ANDREW

I knew 'twas I, for many do call me fool.


MALVOLIO

(picks up the letter)
employment (n.) 2 matter, business, affair

What employment have

we here?


FABIAN

Now is the woodcock near the gin.
gin (n.) snare, trap
woodcock (n.) type of game bird, thought to be easily tricked or snared; simpleton


SIR TOBY

O, peace, and the spirit of humours intimate
humour (n.) 2 fancy, whim, inclination, caprice

reading aloud to him!


MALVOLIO

By my life, this is my lady's hand. These be

her very C's, her U's and her T's; and thus makes she

her great P's. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.
question, in contempt of without the shadow of a doubt


SIR ANDREW

Her C's, her U's and her T's? Why that?


MALVOLIO

(reads)

To the unknown beloved this, and my good wishes.

Her very phrases! By your leave, wax. Soft! and the

impressure her Lucrece, with which she uses to seal.
impressure (n.) imprint, impression, indentation, stamp
seal (v.) 4 mark by seal, put one's name to, agree

'Tis my lady! To whom should this be?


FABIAN

This wins him, liver and all.


MALVOLIO

(reads)

Jove knows I love;

But who?

Lips, do not move;

No man must know.

‘ No man must know ’! What follows? The numbers
number (n.) 2 (plural) metre, versification

altered! ‘ No man must know ’! If this should be thee,

Malvolio!


SIR TOBY

Marry, hang thee, brock!
brock (n.) badger; [contemptuous] stinker, dirty rat


MALVOLIO

(reads)

I may command where I adore;

But silence, like a Lucrece' knife,

With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore;

M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.


FABIAN

A fustian riddle!
fustian (adj.) 1 high-flown, made up in a ridiculous way


SIR TOBY

Excellent wench, say I!
wench (n.) girl, lass See Topics: Frequency count


MALVOLIO

‘ M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.’ Nay, but first

let me see, let me see, let me see. . . .


FABIAN

What dish o' poison has she dressed him!


SIR TOBY

And with what wing the staniel checks at it!
check at (v.) 2 [falconry] swerve to pounce on, turn towards, swoop at
staniel (n.) inferior kind of hawk; kestrel


MALVOLIO

‘ I may command where I adore.’ Why, she

may command me. I serve her, she is my lady. Why,

this is evident to any formal capacity. There is no
capacity (n.) intelligence, understanding, capability
formal (adj.) 1 normal, sane, rational
obstruction (n.) 1 obstacle, difficulty, hindrance

obstruction in this. And the end: what should that alphabetical

position portend? If I could make that resemble
portend (v.) mean, signify, import
position (n.) 3 arrangement, ordering, sequence

something in me. . . . Softly, ‘ M.O.A.I.’ . . .
softly (adv.) slowly, gently


SIR TOBY

O, ay, make up that. He is now at a cold scent.


FABIAN

Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as
cry (v.) 2 give tongue, cry out
Sowter (n.) [shoemaker, cobbler] name of a stupid hound

rank as a fox.
rank (adj.) 2 foul-smelling, stinking


MALVOLIO

M . . . Malvolio! M! Why, that begins my

name!


FABIAN

Did not I say he would work it out? The cur is

excellent at faults.
fault (n.) 5 [hunting] break in a line of scent, loss of scent


MALVOLIO

M! But then there is no consonancy in the
consonancy (n.) 2 consistency, correspondance, accord

sequel that suffers under probation. A should follow,
probation (n.) 2 investigation, examination, testing
suffer (v.) 5 hold up, stand up, remain valid

but O does.


FABIAN

And O shall end, I hope.


SIR TOBY

Ay, or I'll cudgel him and make him cry O.


MALVOLIO

And then I comes behind.


FABIAN

Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might

see more detraction at your heels than fortunes before
detraction (n.) slander, calumny, defamation, disparagement

you.


MALVOLIO

M.O.A.I. This simulation is not as the
simulation (n.) dissimulation, concealment, disguised meaning

former. And yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to
crush (v.) 2 force the sense of, strain a meaning from

me, for every one of these letters are in my name. Soft!

Here follows prose.

He reads
revolve (v.) consider, ponder, meditate
star (n.) 4 sphere, fortune, rank

If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I am above

thee, but be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great,

some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust

upon 'em. Thy fates open their hands, let thy blood and

spirit embrace them; and to inure thyself to what thou art
embrace (v.) 1 welcome, joyfully accept
enure, inure (v.) accustom, habituate, adapt

like to be, cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be
cast (v.) 4 cast off, discard, dismiss, reject
like (adv.) 1 likely, probable / probably See Topics: Frequency count
slough (n.) outer skin

opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy
opposite (adj.) opposed, hostile, adverse, antagonistic [to]
surly (adj.) 1 imperious, haughty, arrogant

tongue tang arguments of state. Put thyself into the trick of
argument (n.) 1 subject of conversation, subject-matter, topic
tang (v.) ring out, utter resoundingly
trick (n.) 3 peculiarity, idiosyncrasy, distinguishing trait

singularity. She thus advises thee that sighs for thee.
singularity (n.) 3 singular behaviour, odd conduct

Remember who commended thy yellow stockings and wished
commend (v.) 4 praise, admire, extol

to see thee ever cross-gartered. I say, remember. Go to, thou
cross-gartered (adj.) with garters crossed along the legs

art made if thou desirest to be so. If not, let me see thee a

steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to
still (adv.) 1 constantly, always, continually See Topics: Frequency count

touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell. She that would alter
alter (v.) change, exchange

services with thee, The Fortunate Unhappy.
service (n.) 2 employment, situation as a servant

Daylight and champain discovers not more! This is
champain, champaign (n./adj.) expanse of open countryside
discover (v.) 1 reveal, show, make known See Topics: Frequency count

open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I will
politic (adj.) 1 prudent, cautious, discreet, shrewd

baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, I
baffle (v.) 1 [of a knight] publicly disgrace, treat with infamy
gross (adj.) 9 dull, obtuse, ignorant

will be point-devise the very man. I do not now fool
point-device, point-devise (adv.) to the last detail, to the point of perfection

myself, to let imagination jade me; for every reason
jade (v.) 2 deceive, dupe, make a fool of

excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did commend
commend (v.) 4 praise, admire, extol
excite (v.) incite, stir up, move

my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being

cross-gartered; and in this she manifests herself to my

love and with a kind of injunction drives me to these

habits of her liking. I thank my stars, I am happy! I
habit (n.) 1 dress, clothing, costume See Topics: Frequency count

will be strange, stout, in yellow stockings and cross-gartered,
stout (adj.) 2 proud, haughty, arrogant
strange (adj.) 7 aloof, distant, reserved

even with the swiftness of putting on. Jove and

my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript.

He reads

Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainest

my love, let it appear in thy smiling, thy smiles

become thee well. Therefore in my presence still smile, dear
become (v.) 2 grace, honour, dignify See Topics: Frequency count
still (adv.) 1 constantly, always, continually See Topics: Frequency count

my sweet, I prithee.

Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything that

thou wilt have me!

Exit


FABIAN

I will not give my part of this sport for a pension
sport (n.) 1 recreation, amusement, entertainment See Topics: Frequency count

of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.


SIR TOBY

I could marry this wench for this device.
wench (n.) girl, lass See Topics: Frequency count


SIR ANDREW

So could I too.


SIR TOBY

And ask no other dowry with her but such another

jest.


SIR ANDREW

Nor I neither.

Enter Maria
gull-catcher (n.) fool-trapper, trickster


FABIAN

Here comes my noble gull-catcher.


SIR TOBY

Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?


SIR ANDREW

Or o' mine either?


SIR TOBY

Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip and become
play (v.) 3 play for, make bets about
tray-trip (n.) type of dicing game [depending on the throw of a three]

thy bondslave?
bondslave (n.) slave, bondsman, person in a condition of servitude


SIR ANDREW

I'faith, or I either?


SIR TOBY

Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that

when the image of it leaves him, he must run mad.


MARIA

Nay, but say true: does it work upon him?


SIR TOBY

Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.
aqua-vitae (n.) spirits, alcohol, strong drink, brandy


MARIA

If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark
sport (n.) 1 recreation, amusement, entertainment See Topics: Frequency count

his first approach before my lady. He will come to her in
mark (v.) 1 note, pay attention [to], take notice [of] See Topics: Frequency count

yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhors; and cross-gartered,
abhor (v.) 1 loathe, abominate, regard with disgust

a fashion she detests; and he will smile upon

her, which will now be so unsuitable to her disposition –

being addicted to a melancholy as she is – that it cannot

but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will see it,
contempt (n.) 2 disgrace, dishonour, scandal
notable (adj.) 1 noted, notorious, conspicuous, infamous

follow me.


SIR TOBY

To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent
wit (n.) 2 mental sharpness, acumen, quickness, ingenuity See Topics: Frequency count

devil of wit!


SIR ANDREW

I'll make one too.

Exeunt

 
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