Enter Olivia and Maria
I have sent after him, he says he'll come.
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft than begged or borrowed.
I speak too loud.
(To Maria) Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil,
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.
Where is Malvolio?
He's coming, madam, but in very strange manner.
He is sure possessed, madam.
Why, what's the matter? Does he rave?
No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your
ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if he
come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits.
wits, also five wits
faculties of the mind (common wit, imagination, fantasy, estimation, memory) or body (the five senses)
Go, call him hither.
I am as mad as he
If sad and merry madness equal be.
Enter Malvolio and Maria
How now, Malvolio?
Sweet lady! Ho! Ho!
Smil'st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
Sad, lady? I could be sad; this does make
some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering – but
what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is with me as
the very true sonnet is: ‘Please one and please all'.
Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my
legs. It did come to his hands; and commands shall be
executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
To bed! ‘ Ay, sweetheart, and I'll come to
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and
kiss thy hand so oft?
How do you, Malvolio?
At your request? Yes; nightingales answer
daw (n.) 1
jackdaw [as noted for its stupidity]; dolt, fool
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness
before my lady?
‘ Be not afraid of greatness.’ 'Twas well writ.
What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio?
‘ Some are born great – ’
‘ Some achieve greatness – ’
What sayest thou?
‘ And some have greatness thrust upon
Heaven restore thee!
‘ Remember who commended thy yellow
stockings – ’
Thy yellow stockings?
‘ – and wished to see thee cross-gartered.’
‘ Go to, thou art made if thou desir'st to be
Am I maid!
‘ If not, let me see thee a servant still.’
Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Enter a Servant
Madam, the young gentleman of the Count
Orsino's is returned. I could hardly entreat him back. He
attends your ladyship's pleasure.
I'll come to him.
Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my
cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care
care of him. I would not have him miscarry for the half of
Exeunt Olivia and Maria different ways
O ho! Do you come near me now? No worse
man than Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly
with the letter. She sends him on purpose, that I may
appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in
the letter. ‘ Cast thy humble slough,’ says she. ‘ Be
opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants, let thy
tongue tang with arguments of state, put thyself into the
trick of singularity ’ – and consequently sets down the
manner how: as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow
tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I
have limed her! But it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
lime (v.) 1
trap, snare, catch [as if by using birdlime]
thankful! And when she went away now – ‘ let this fellow
be looked to.’ Fellow! Not ‘ Malvolio,’ nor after my
degree, but ‘ fellow ’! Why, everything adheres together,
that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no
obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance – what
can be said? – nothing that can be, can come between
me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I,
is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
Enter Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
the devils of hell be drawn in little and Legion himself
possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
How is't with you, man?
Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my private.
Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him. Did
not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
care of him.
Ah ha! Does she so!
Go to, go to! Peace, peace, we must deal gently
with him. Let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? How
is't with you? What, man, defy the devil! Consider,
he's an enemy to mankind.
Do you know what you say?
La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
it at heart! Pray God he be not bewitched!
Carry his water to the wisewoman.
Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning, if
I live. My lady would not lose him, for more than I'll
How now, mistress?
Prithee, hold thy peace, this is not the way. Do
you not see you move him? Let me alone with him.
No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The fiend
is rough, and will not be roughly used.
Why, how now, my bawcock? How dost thou,
Ay, biddy, come with me. What, man, 'tis not
for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him,
Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby; get him
My prayers, minx!
No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
Go, hang yourselves all. You are idle, shallow
things; I am not of your element. You shall know more
If this were played upon a stage now, I could
condemn it as an improbable fiction.
His very genius hath taken the infection of the
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air, and
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
The house will be the quieter.
Come, we'll have him in a dark room and
bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad.
We may carry it thus for our pleasure and his penance
till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to
have mercy on him; at which time, we will bring the
device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of madmen.
jury-member who determines if someone is insane, ascertainer
But see, but see!
Enter Sir Andrew
More matter for a May morning!
Here's the challenge, read it. I warrant
there's vinegar and pepper in't.
Is't so saucy?
Ay, is't, I warrant him. Do but read.
Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.
Good and valiant.
Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.
A good note, that keeps you from the blow of the
Thou com'st to the Lady Olivia, and in
my sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat;
that is not the matter I challenge thee for.
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense – (aside)
I will waylay thee going home; where, if
it be thy chance to kill me –
thou kill'st me like a rogue and a
Still you keep o' the windy side of the law;
windward, situated towards the wind [so that scent will travel away from the follower]
Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon
one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but my
hope is better – and so, look to thyself. Thy friend as thou
usest him, and thy sworn enemy, Andrew Aguecheek. If
this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I'll give't him.
You may have very fit occasion for't. He is now in
some commerce with my lady, and will by and by
Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the
corner of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever
thou seest him, draw, and as thou drawest, swear horrible;
for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
more approbation than ever proof itself would have
earned him. Away!
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Now will not I deliver his letter. For the behaviour
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of
good capacity and breeding; his employment between
his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore this
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror
in the youth; he will find it comes from a clodpole. But,
sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set
upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour, and drive
the gentleman – as I know his youth will aptly receive it
– into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and
impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they
will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Enter Olivia and Viola
Here he comes with your niece. Give them way
till he take leave, and presently after him.
I will meditate the while upon some horrid
message for a challenge.
Sir Toby and Fabian stand aside
I have said too much unto a heart of stone,
And laid mine honour too unchary on't.
There's something in me that reproves my fault.
But such a headstrong, potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.
With the same 'haviour that your passion bears
Goes on my master's griefs.
Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture.
Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you.
And, I beseech you, come again tomorrow.
What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
That honour saved may upon asking give?
Nothing but this: your true love for my master.
How with mine honour may I give him that
Which I have given to you?
I will acquit you.
Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well.
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
Sir Toby and Fabian come forward
Gentleman, God save thee!
And you, sir.
That defence thou hast, betake thee to't. Of
what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the
hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount thy
tuck; be yare in thy preparation; for thy assailant is
quick, skilful, and deadly.
You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any
quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and clear
from any image of offence done to any man.
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth,
strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.
I pray you, sir, what is he?
He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and
on carpet consideration – but he is a devil in private
for exploits ‘on the carpet’ [relating to the court, appropriate to a drawing room] not ‘in the field’
brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his
incensement at this moment is so implacable, that
satisfaction can be none, but by pangs of death, and
sepulchre. Hob, nob! is his word: give't or take't.
I will return again into the house and desire some
conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of
some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others
to taste their valour. Belike this is a man of that quirk.
Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a
very computent injury. Therefore, get you on and give
him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless
you undertake that with me, which with as much safety
you might answer him. Therefore on, or strip your
sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain,
or forswear to wear iron about you.
This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my
offence to him is. It is something of my negligence,
nothing of my purpose.
I will do so. Signor Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return.
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
I know the knight is incensed against you, even
to a mortal arbitrement, but nothing of the circumstance
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him
by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
of his valour. He is indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody,
and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in
any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will
make your peace with him, if I can.
I shall be much bound to you for't. I am one that
had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight; I care not
who knows so much of my mettle.
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew
Why, man, he's a very devil. I have not seen
such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard
and all; and he gives me the stuck-in with such a mortal
motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays
you as surely as your feet hits the ground they step on.
They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
Pox on't! I'll not meddle with him.
Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can
scarce hold him yonder.
Plague on't! An I thought he had been
valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him
damned ere I'd have challenged him. Let him let the
matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
I'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good
show on't. This shall end without the perdition of souls.
(Aside, as he crosses to Fabian) Marry, I'll ride your
horse as well as I ride you! (To Fabian) I have his horse
to take up the quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth's
He is as horribly conceited of him, and pants and
looks pale as if a bear were at his heels.
There's no remedy, sir, he will fight
with you for's oath's sake. Marry, he hath better
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce
to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for the supportance
of his vow. He protests he will not hurt you.
Pray God defend me! A little thing would
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
Give ground if you see him furious.
(crossing to Sir Andrew)
Come, Sir Andrew,
there's no remedy. The gentleman will, for his honour's
sake, have one bout with you, he cannot by the duello
avoid it. But he has promised me, as he is a gentleman
and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on, to't!
Pray God, he keep his oath!
I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me.
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
You, sir? Why, what are you?
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
O good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the Officers.
I'll be with you anon.
(to Sir Andrew)
Pray sir, put your sword up, if
Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised
you, I'll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily,
and reins well.
This is the man; do thy office.
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
Of Count Orsino.
You do mistake me, sir.
No, sir, no jot. I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away; he knows I know him well.
I must obey. (To Viola) This comes with seeking you.
But there's no remedy, I shall answer it.
answer (v.) 4
suffer the consequences [for], be accountable [for]
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
But be of comfort.
Come, sir, away!
I must entreat of you some of that money.
What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have showed me here,
And part being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability,
I'll lend you something. My having is not much.
I'll make division of my present with you.
Hold: there's half my coffer.
Will you deny me now?
Is't possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
I know of none.
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood –
O heavens themselves!
Come, sir, I pray you go.
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatched one half out of the jaws of death;
Relieved him with such sanctity of love;
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
commanding esteem, deserving of great respect
What's that to us? The time goes by. Away!
But O, how vild an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
In nature, there's no blemish but the mind;
None can be called deformed, but the unkind.
Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o'er-flourished by the devil.
The man grows mad; away with him. Come, come, sir.
Lead me on.
Exeunt Antonio and Officers
Methinks his words do from such passion fly
That he believes himself; so do not I?
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true –
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian.
We'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
He named Sebastian. I my brother know
Yet living in my glass. Even such and so
In favour was my brother; and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate. O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!
A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a
coward than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving
his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his
cowardship, ask Fabian.
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it!
'Slid! I'll after him again and beat him.
Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy
An I do not –
Come, let's see the event.
I dare lay any money, 'twill be nothing yet.