Twelfth Night


Text
Act I
Act II
Act III
Act IV
Act V
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian


SIR ANDREW

No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.


SIR TOBY

Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.


FABIAN

You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
yield (v.) 8 communicate, deliver, represent


SIR ANDREW

Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to

the Count's servingman than ever she bestowed upon

me. I saw't i'the orchard.


SIR TOBY

Did she see thee the while, old boy, tell me

that?


SIR ANDREW

As plain as I see you now.


FABIAN

This was a great argument of love in her toward
argument (n.) 6 proof, evidence, demonstration

you.


SIR ANDREW

'Slight! Will you make an ass o' me?


FABIAN

I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of

judgement and reason.


SIR TOBY

And they have been grand-jury men since before

Noah was a sailor.


FABIAN

She did show favour to the youth in your sight

only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour,
dormouse (adj.) sleepy, dozing, slumbering

to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver. You

should then have accosted her, and with some excellent

jests fire-new from the mint, you should have banged

the youth into dumbness. This was looked for at your

hand, and this was baulked. The double gilt of this
balk (v.) 1 refuse, ignore, shirk, let slip

opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now

sailed into the north of my lady's opinion; where you

will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's beard, unless you

do redeem it by some laudable attempt either of valour

or policy.
policy (n.) 1 statecraft, statesmanship, diplomacy


SIR ANDREW

An't be any way, it must be with valour, for

policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.
lief, had as should like just as much See Topics: Frequency count
politician (n.) schemer, intriguer, plotter


SIR TOBY

Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis

of valour. Challenge me the Count's youth to fight with

him; hurt him in eleven places; my niece shall take note

of it – and, assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the

world can more prevail in man's commendation with

woman than report of valour.


FABIAN

There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.


SIR ANDREW

Will either of you bear me a challenge to

him?


SIR TOBY

Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and
curst (adj.) 1 bad-tempered, quarrelsome, shrewish, cross

brief. It is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and

full of invention. Taunt him with the licence of ink. If
invention (n.) 3 novelty, fresh creation, innovation

thou ‘ thou’-est him some thrice it shall not be amiss, and
thou (v.) use ‘thou’ to someone as an insult

as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper – although

the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England,

set 'em down, go about it. Let there be gall enough
gall (n.) 3 spirit of anger, venom, ability to be angry

in thy ink, though thou write with a goose pen, no
goose pen (n.) goose-quill, quill-pen

matter. About it!


SIR ANDREW

Where shall I find you?


SIR TOBY

We'll call thee at thy cubiculo. Go!
cubiculo (n.) bedroom, bedchamber

Exit Sir Andrew


FABIAN

This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
manikin (n.) little man, puppet


SIR TOBY

I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand

strong or so.


FABIAN

We shall have a rare letter from him. But you'll
rare (adj.) 1 marvellous, splendid, excellent

not deliver it?


SIR TOBY

Never trust me then – and by all means stir on

the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wain-ropes
wain-rope (n.) waggon-rope

cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
hale (v.) 1 drag, pull, haul

opened and you find so much blood in his liver as will

clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy.
anatomy (n.) 2 body, cadaver, corpse


FABIAN

And his opposite the youth bears in his visage no
visage (n.) 1 face, countenance See Topics: Frequency count
visage (n.) 2 outward appearance, aspect, air

great presage of cruelty.
presage (n.) 1 sign, indication, portent

Enter Maria


SIR TOBY

Look where the youngest wren of nine comes.


MARIA

If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves
spleen (n.) 4 amusement, delight, merriment

into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is turned
gull (n.) 1 dupe, fool, simpleton

heathen, a very renegado; for there is no Christian, that
renegado (n.) renegade, turncoat, deserter

means to be saved by believing rightly, can ever believe

such impossible passages of grossness. He's in yellow
grossness (n.) 1 flagrant nature, obviousness, enormity
passage (n.) 1 incident, occurrence, event, happening

stockings!


SIR TOBY

And cross-gartered?


MARIA

Most villainously; like a pedant that keeps a
pedant (n.) schoolmaster, teacher

school i'the church. I have dogged him like his murderer.

He does obey every point of the letter that I

dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more
smile (v.) 1 make something happen by smiling

lines than is in the new map with the augmentation of
augmentation (n.) additional detail, fuller account

the Indies. You have not seen such a thing as 'tis. I can

hardly forbear hurling things at him; I know my lady
forbear (v.) 2 leave alone, avoid, stay away [from] See Topics: Frequency count

will strike him. If she do, he'll smile, and take it for a

great favour.


SIR TOBY

Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Exeunt

 
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