Enter a Schoolmaster, six Countrymen, one dressed as
a bavian, and five wenches, with a Taborer
What tediosity and disinsanity
Is here among ye! Have my rudiments
Been laboured so long with ye, milked unto ye,
And, by a figure, even the very plum-broth
rich soup made of meat, fruit, and spices, especially eaten at Christmas
And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye?
marrow (n.) 1
rich and nutritious substance derived from bone cavities
And do you still cry ‘ Where?’ and ‘ How?’ and ‘ Wherefore?’
You most coarse frieze capacities, ye jean judgements,
type of twilled cotton cloth [= unsophisticated, unrefined]
Have I said ‘ Thus let be,’ and ‘ There let be,’
And ‘ Then let be,’ and no man understand me?
Proh deum, medius fidius, ye are all dunces!
Forwhy, here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you
Close in the thicket. The Duke appears; I meet him,
And unto him I utter learned things,
And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums,
hum (v.) 1
murmur approval, make encouraging noises
And then cries ‘ Rare!’, and I go forward; at length
I fling my cap up – mark there! – then do you,
As once did Meleager and the boar,
Break comely out before him; like true lovers,
Cast yourselves in a body decently,
And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.
And sweetly we will do it, Master Gerrold.
Draw up the company. Where's the taborer?
Here, my mad boys; have at ye!
But, I say, where's their women?
Here's Friz and Maudline.
And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.
And freckled Nell, that never failed her master.
Where be your ribands, maids? Swim with your bodies,
And carry it sweetly and deliverly,
And now and then a favour and a frisk.
Let us alone, sir.
Where's the rest o'th' music?
Dispersed as you commanded.
And see what's wanting. Where's the bavian?
My friend, carry your tail without offence
Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure
You tumble with audacity and manhood,
And when you bark do it with judgement.
Quousque tandem? Here is a woman wanting!
We may go whistle; all the fat's i'th' fire.
As learned authors utter, washed a tile;
We have beene fatuus, and laboured vainly.
This is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding,
That gave her promise faithfully she would
Be here – Cicely, the sempster's daughter;
The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin!
Nay, an she fail me once – you can tell, Arcas,
She swore by wine and bread she would not break.
An eel and woman,
A learned poet says, unless by th' tail
And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail.
In manners this was false position.
manner (n.) 1
(plural) proper behaviour, good conduct, forms of politeness
A fire-ill take her; does she flinch now?
Shall we determine, sir?
Our business is become a nullity,
Yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.
Now, when the credit of our town lay on it,
Now to be frampold, now to piss o'th' nettle!
Go thy ways, I'll remember thee; I'll fit thee.
fit (v.) 8
find a fitting punishment, be revenged upon
Enter Gaoler's Daughter
The George Alow came from the south,
From the coast of Barbary-a;
And there he met with brave gallants of war,
By one, by two, by three-a.
Well hailed, well hailed, you jolly gallants,
And whither now are you bound-a?
O, let me have your company
Till I come to the sound-a.
There was three fools fell out about an owlet;
The one said it was an owl,
The other he said nay;
The third he said it was a hawk,
And her bells were cut away.
There's a dainty madwoman, master,
Comes i'th' nick, as mad as a March hare.
If we can get her dance, we are made again;
I warrant her, she'll do the rarest gambols.
A madwoman? We are made, boys!
And are you mad, good woman?
I would be sorry else.
Give me your hand.
I can tell your fortune.
You are a fool. Tell ten; I have posed him. Buzz!
Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do,
Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance, ho?
I know you, you're a tinker; sirrah tinker,
Stop no more holes but what you should.
A tinker, damsel?
Or a conjurer;
Raise me a devil now, and let him play
Chi passa o' th' bells and bones.
bone (n.) 4
(plural) pieces of bone [used as a musical instrument]
Go take her,
And fluently persuade her to a peace.
Et opus exegi, quod nec Iovis ira nec ignis –
and I have completed a work that neither the anger of Jove nor fire
See Topics: Latin
Strike up, and lead her in.
Come, lass, lets trip it.
Persuasively and cunningly! Away, boys.
Horns sound within
I hear the horns; give me some meditation,
And mark your cue.
Exeunt all but Schoolmaster
Pallas inspire me!
Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite,
This way the stag took.
Stay, and edify!
What have we here?
Some country sport, upon my life, sir.
Well, sir, go forward, we will edify.
Ladies, sit down; we'll stay it.
A chair and stools are brought out; the ladies sit
Thou doughty Duke, all hail; all hail, sweet ladies!
This is a cold beginning.
If you but favour, our country pastime made is.
We are a few of those collected here
That ruder tongues distinguish villager;
And to say verity, and not to fable,
We are a merry rout, or else a rabble,
Or company, or, by a figure, chorus,
That 'fore thy dignity will dance a morris.
And I that am the rectifier of all,
By title pedagogus, that let fall
The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
And humble with a ferula the tall ones,
Do here present this machine, or this frame;
And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame
From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,
Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,
And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight
Upon this mighty ‘ Morr,’ of mickle weight;
‘ Is ’ now comes in, which being glued together
Makes ‘ Morris,’ and the cause that we came hither,
The body of our sport, of no small study.
I first appear, though rude, and raw, and muddy,
To speak before thy noble grace this tenor,
At whose great feet I offer up my penner;
The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright;
The chambermaid and servingman, by night
That seek out silent hanging; then mine host
And his fat spouse, that welcomes to their cost
The galled traveller, and with a beckoning
Informs the tapster to inflame the reckoning;
Then the beest-eating clown, and next the fool,
eating the milk produced after the birth of a calf [considered undrinkable, except by rustics]
The bavian, with long tail and eke long tool,
Cum multis aliis that make a dance;
Say ‘ ay,’ and all shall presently advance.
Ay, ay, by any means, dear dominie.
Intrate, filii! Come forth and foot it.
Schoolmaster knocks; enter the dancers. Music is
played; they dance
Ladies, if we have been merry,
And have pleased ye with a derry,
And a derry, and a down,
Say the schoolmaster's no clown;
Duke, if we have pleased thee too,
And have done as good boys should do,
Give us but a tree or twain
For a maypole, and again,
Ere another year run out,
We'll make thee laugh, and all this rout.
Take twenty, dominie. (To Hippolyta) How does my sweetheart?
Never so pleased, sir.
'Twas an excellent dance,
And for a preface I never heard a better.
Schoolmaster, I thank you. – One see 'em all rewarded.
And here's something to paint your pole withal.
Now to our sports again.
May the stag thou huntest stand long,
And thy dogs be swift and strong;
May they kill him without lets,
And the ladies eate his dowsets.
testicles of a deer [considered a culinary delicacy]
Horns sound. Exeunt Theseus, Pirithous,
Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and train
Come, we are all made. Dii deaeque omnes,
Ye have danced rarely, wenches.